A Wish for Christmas

Christmas has always been that time of the year when everything seems possible, it is when we wish for something and it comes true most of the time. I have one wish for Christmas, a sincere and heartfelt request to the heavens; that you who I loved very much to reconnect with me again.


I have posted on this blog before the story of us and how much I still suffer (CLICK HERE!) and the "Spirit of Christmas" or whatever they call it made the pain so unbearable, I just started to overflow. It's been 3 years and I still know in my heart that I love you. If we can't be together as a couple, I just hope and wish that we could still become friends.


I've loved others, but the love I still have for you is so great that the sum of all the others is nothing compared to this. So I ask the dark winter sky for a reconnection of two souls, one who loved the other so much that it remained strong and pure after a long time.


I have given up on my hopes of material possessions, all I ask is something to feed my spirit and something to hold dear forever.


"Love will come in its purest form, but I'm afraid the purest of love I can give I already gave to someone else. ♥"

Alone in Christmas

It's just 24 hours and few minutes before Christmas and I am alone. I know I have family and friends around me but I wish there was someone to cuddle with, to share stories with, and to kiss under the mistletoe. I wish someone would keep my heart warm during the holidays.

I feel lonely in this season of festivities. I wish I still have you. I still love you even if it's been 3 years.

  XTC - Thanks For Christmas

A Masterpiece or a Monsterpiece?

A few days ago, I saw something on Facebook that had this huge effect on me. It made me stop for a second and think about what it meant and how it speaks the truth.


"Whatever you put out into the world, will ultimately shape your identity."


Of course it will. But do we really know what it means and how it affects us?


The things that we do everyday, with or without other people, aid in our development as a person. Every action or thought that has been produced and shared is like a chisel that chips out a fragment from yourself, be it positive or negative. From these fragments you produce a sculpture which represents your identity. When people see the sculpture, they see who you are and what you are capable of as a person. This is where "impression" and "perception" come in.


I believe this is where the suffix "-er" and "-or" comes in. If you are an artist who loves to act, you are an "actor". If you are a person who likes to sell things, you are a "seller". This rule applies to most verbs, just like in a grammar lesson.


My point here is, do the things you do help shape the person you want to be or is it painting a different picture than what's on your mind? Do you realize that actions and thoughts affect how people perceive us? Did you create an obra maestra or a scrap of yourself? 


If you think that you are creating a masterpiece, then you are in the process of making a better version of yourself.

Now Playing This Week

  Wham - Last Christmas

Now Playing This Week

  Dog Days Are Over

I just heard STRFKR

I was folding clothes at work yesterday and I was feeling bland since the morning when I heard one of my favorite songs play. I must tell you that the place I work at plays the best music ever, but this one is beyond anything.

It got me all pumped up. I almost broke into a dance and looked like a complete maniac in the middle of all these people. It just kept me up through my entire shift, and I was pumped up until midnight. It made me smile and feel awesome.

That was my happy pill for yesterday, and today I crashed. LOL

Click here for the song.

First Job, Fashion and Frustration

Well, as some of my family and friends know, I now work for a famous retail brand. I'm working as a seasonal employee for this coming holiday season. After looking for work in the past 6 months, I finally got an interview and got accepted after my interview. I am so excited to go to work tomorrow for my orientation and all the first-day stuff. At the same time, I feel nervous as heck. I have no idea on what to do or how they operate and such. I hope I do well enough to be retained for the post-holiday job openings.

Being involved in fashion, my job requires me to get new clothes. I bought a few shirts and accessories today to add variety to my looks. I plan on taking photos/ daily photo blog of my outfits to keep track what I wore on that day and how they look. This will also help me track any repeats in my outfits, which I think I should avoid as much as possible. I have a few looks lined up for the next few work days, and I hope they are good. But I need maybe 2 pairs of pants, preferably one is denim and the other is cotton. And I need new pairs of shoes since I only have my reliable pair of the classic Nappa 8-eye Doc Martens.

So I got new clothes, then the "resident (evil) stylist" asked me to try them on and show her, and I did. She first said that why was I wearing a vest. As some of you know, I wear vests all the time. It has become a signature piece of mine, and I think it helped me get the job since they require male employees to layer their clothing (vests, cardigans, jackets, blazers...etm.) She also hated my pants, which for me fits good enough and is workable. She also brought up the topic of my footwear. She doesn't like my boots... well "hate" is such a strong word but that's how she felt towards my Nappa's. She said it's NOT good and fashionable, basically horrible. I must tell you that it is in style. I have been seeing a lot of them in fashion websites, magazines and shows. She also said that we "weren't allowed" to wear t-shirts at work. Let me ask you this, were you there when they told me about the dress code? Were you there during my interview? Why are you so nosy and suggesting things that are, for me, irrelevant? We are allowed to wear t-shirts as long as we layer and accessorize accordingly. We can wear jewelry and scarves, ties, whatever accessories that can go with our outfit. I am just frustrated because she is very critical with this just because she thinks she knows a lot about these kind of things. This is what I have to say,

Not because you have a big closet filled with a lot of signature brands and expensive clothing, it doesn't mean you are fashionable. A person can have the most basic wardrobe but with the right accessories, it can work. I apologize if I can't afford the "good" clothes that you have because we don't have the money. At least I dress appropriate for my age and for my status. I don't show-off intentionally and buy clothes because you can see from afar what signature brand it is from. I also do not belittle designers, new or old, beginners or legends. And I have my own interpretation of style, and what I want to dress up like. I also subscribe to fashion websites so I am updated, unlike you who depends on what you see on the store windows. I self-study fashion and try to learn more about it and the industry. You don't even know how to pronounce names nor know who designs or controls which brand. All you care about is the brand you have on your bag or on your clothes, and not the source of the idea or the concept. And please do not pattern me to the fashion of my brother. We have different styles and you can't force a square block on a triangular hole. It seems so desperate of you to try and pattern your spouse to him, because he looks good. Fashion is not with what you wear but with how you carry it, remember that.

Project Runway Finale

So last night was the finale episode of Project Runway, and this week's music is Gretchen Jones' runway music for her collection "Walking Through The Thunder".

Her collection has this easy dressing, accessible and natural feel to it. It was properly executed, beautifully styled and accessorized with precision.

My favorite looks were the following:

-Look 1 with the blazer and shorts. I love how the pieces look iridescent when it looks like it was a combination of 2 fabrics. 

-Look 3 was good too, especially the patchwork pants. 

-Look 4 was really chic and sharp. 

-Look 5 was awesome. I never knew knitted bloomers can look so good. I love the ombre effect too.

-Look 7 is my ultimate favorite, the dark green leather jacket and the bloomers. Dramatic yet not loud. Impeccable

-Look 10 was nice too. I like the flow of the skirt and the juxtaposition of it to the leather.

Nina Garcia called this collection "granola" during the last elimination prior to the finale show. Well, now we know how granola is good for you and your body. LOL

The hats and jewelry were fabulous. Simple and elegant, natural and beautiful.

And the most important thing, she supported artisans and creative people in her community in making this collection and the sustainability of her clothing.

Love the collection! Congratulations Ms. Gretchen Jones for the win! You deserve it! 

CLICK HERE to be redirected to the source of photos!

Now Playing This Week

  White Hinterland - Icarus

What is your motto in life?

Some people may ask you this: "What are the words you live your life by?", or simply ask you "What is your motto in life?" We may formulate our own life's theme or find it as a line from a movie or a text in a poster, I found mine in a book.


I was reading "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho and I came across this phrase:


"There is no need for iron to be the same as copper, or copper the same as gold..."


It felt to me as if it is a message, a sign. If you know who I am, you know I have a few secrets hidden here and there. Some I have told others, and some I still keep to myself. It struck me and I kept on saying it to myself until I've absorbed it in my core. The way I understood it was that you should be who you are, and not what you aren't. If you are iron, be iron and if you are gold, be gold.

Is this the sign that I have been waiting for? It gave me a little push, a dose of courage to share my own secret. I am still uncertain about these things yet so maybe I should wait and let things happen when they are supposed to happen.


But what if it has to happen now, or it is meant to happen now? Maybe there will be another time or another way that will lead to the right moment and it will eventually happen.


But I am sure of one thing, I will take that excerpt from the book and try my best to live by them.


I am what I am.

Now Playing This Week

  Ce Ce Peniston - Finally (Vandalism Remix)

Mission

Okay, so I want to be a designer (I always say that and I must say I'm pretty tired of hearing that phrase) so what better way to start than to make some simple pieces for myself and build my own sewing kit. I know it's kinda basic and easy but we all have to start from the easy stuff, right?

So here's my plan. I will either buy an entire sewing kit or make one myself. I consulted the website of Martha Stewart and found this: Click Here. It has all the essentials (and a few extras) for a not-so-basic sewing kit. I might try to assemble my own since I want it to have a personal touch. It might be a little pricier than buying a ready-made one but it'll be worth it.

For my first project, I will create a drapey, cascading sleeveless cardigan. It's gonna be easy. I've done it once and it was pretty. I still don't know what color, maybe grey or charcoal. The fabric has to be stretchy, of course so it's gonna be easy to drape and has extra flow. Maybe some cheap jersey or some knit.

something like this... but sans the sleeves

My next project will be a patterned vest. I'm planning to do it on wool since I want it to have a little volume to it. I might go for a houndstooth pattern, depending on how big the print is (the bolder, the better!) but if the print is not big enough, maybe a brocade or a really graphic print will do. I want this to be a bold statement piece. I definitely want this in black and white.

      houndstooth                          brocade                  black and white graphic

I hope I get to finish these pieces successfully. I'll post some updates soon!

Respect for Designers

Some of you know that I am an aspiring designer. I have these visions of clothes that I have the passion to create and execute. I want to build a structure, a sculpture that can be worn; art that can be felt and experienced. I design from 2 very different points of view: one is a romantic, ethereal and fluid mentality and the other one is more structural, sculpted and architectural point of view. These two are exact opposites and sometimes it's hard to define which hemisphere of my design aesthetic is applied, or if it is a mixture of both.

You may ask why am I writing this piece, or what inspired me. Well, I must share an observation: there are some people out there who claim themselves as fashion enthusiasts, but do not understand fashion itself. There are people who like this just because it sounds expensive or it's a well-known brand. They don't understand how much thought and work went into every piece of garment that is on the rack of your favorite department store or boutique. All that matters is the label, the name and the price.

Being an aspiring designer isn't easy, let alone being a young designer. I still lack the technical skills and the experience in the industry. I can only translate my design from inspiration to thought to illustration, and it stops there. I don't know how to pattern, how to sew, how to select the right materials. But the thing that I have are the knowledge about who's who in the industry, the creative soul, the ability to translate designs decently on paper.

My point here is that people should respect designers, young, old or a legend because of the caliber of work and thought that went into creating pieces to sell. Designers go through the same process everytime they create a design: inspiration, thought, illustration, pattern-making, sample-making, fitting and execution of the final design. If I miss some steps, please pardon me but these are what I think are the basic process in design. Designers have a varying technique when it comes to looking and grasping a certain inspiration. They have different ways or aesthetics when translating that inspiration to thought or idea. Some translate things in a dark and heavy manner and some interpret is as light and flowy. And the process of putting that idea on paper as a sketch and as a flat sketch truly requires skill because this will be the basis of the final design. Patterns will be cut like the stencil of jigsaw pieces that will compose the garment. Samples will be made to test if the design is feasible and if it looks good enough to be produced. Fittings will be done to make sure that the proportions are perfect and for any alterations. After all that are done, the final garment will be made with all the right measurements and alterations in mind. Of course the right materials are needed to have a really good design. You may have a very beautiful design but if you do not know what kind of material you are going to use, there is a bigger chance of you failing to execute your vision perfectly.

It doesn't end there. They have to create multiple designs that are cohesive and organize a show to present the garments. After the show, they have to look for buyers who would buy the design and want it to be manufactured in many pieces to be sold in department stores, boutiques, shops. But sometimes, if the designer has a lot of investors they can mass produce it and sell them in their own stores.

Some people do not understand or know this process. All they care about is the tag or the label. Is it expensive? Does is look expensive? Who's the designer? Is he/she famous? Is he/she well-known? These questions are all bullshit. You don't have to look at those things when buying clothes. The fit, comfort and proportion is important. It my be made by an unknown/ upcoming designer but it can still look good and in-fashion. You also have to understand that designers have different aesthetics which means they have different styles and techniques in their design. They have a woman/ a character in mind whose all these clothes from that collection belongs to. It is not just a design idea but an idea of a full character with personality. It doesn't mean that if you don't like the style of the designer it means that he/she is boring and his work is ugly or cheap. It is an insult not only to the designer but to the people who work around him and to the fashion industry. Sometimes, your style and the way you dress doesn't work for you, maybe because of ignorance or because you are posing to be a fashionista.


You don't need to have a closet full of clothes or tons of signature goods to be a fashion enthusiast. You just need to stay true to yourself and have enough knowledge to make your wardrobe work for you. You have to have style and taste.

All I am asking is for you to respect designers because what they go through isn't easy. They don't live for the money or the fame, but for artistic fulfillment and their passion to create. Respect designers because it takes a lot of skill and hardwork to become one. It takes a lot of motivation to continue and  lot of inspiration to construct an awesome piece.


Where did I get all this drama? Well I heard someone say today "I don't like it cuz it's just M*** J*****." Really? JUST? All I know, he is a great designer and the creative director of one of your favorite brands. He is named one of TIME Magazine's "Most Influential People in the World", known as the U.S. leader in fashion trends, and won CFDA's award for accessory design in 1998, 2003 and 2005, for menswear in 2002, and the international award for his work at Louis Vuitton in 2009. He also won the CFDA Womenswear Designer of the Year award for 2010. And you have the nerve to call him "JUST M*** J*****" Not just because you own some Louis Vuitton and some Chanel and a little bit of Gucci that you can talk like that. You should be ashamed of yourself for insulting someone who's achieved so much and more than you did. It's not always about the name, the price and the fame of the brand.

We are not talking about titles and awards here, but if someone can insult someone who has achieved that much, what more for those designers who are beginning their careers and those who achieved less than what has been mentioned. 

Respect for Designers

Now Playing This Week

  Florence + The Machine - Blinding

Seven Deadly Sins: Pride

I am not a fan of egoistic people; those people who like to talk of other people's business and try to bring themselves up and put others down, to make your facade look better and ruin the image of others. Those who only care about themselves and their needs and never give a damn to how other people feel. I don't get why the need to lift yourself up. I don't get it why you like to talk about them in a manner that you degrade them so much and they aren't worthy of being in the same place as you, that they are the inferior and you are the superior being. 


Why am I so affected? Well, being with you while you rant about them is such a toxic environment. You bring so much negativity with the words you utter, and being in the same place with you makes me negative too; psychologically and emotionally.

What's worse is that you are a self-proclaimed "spiritual" person. It is the sin of pride and vanity that works under your skin, and maybe in your cold heart. I must remind you that it is one of the Capital Sins. I am here to warn you that it does no one any good. The source of pride and vanity are treasures and power. You have not the latter, you are just delusional when it comes to having power. You are not the superior, but the inferior. You should walk the talk.


I have had enough. Maybe one day I will just snap and let all these things out. But for now, I will try to pacify my emotions. 

Poetry: "I Kiss The Morning Goodbye"

Circa 2008

February 15, 09:09PM

I Kiss The Morning Goodbye


I'll kiss the dear morning goodbye
Because mere words can't tell why.
I have found a place in some other's heart
And this is the reason why we'll part.

Now, I kiss the morning goodbye
While the dandelion seeds fly by.
I have looked towards another direction
I did things that I would have questioned

Tonight, I'll kiss the sweet morning goodbye
Even though I know in the dark, I'll cry
I dyingly look at the hazy view
To see that the morning was you

I kissed the beautiful morning goodbye
Not knowing without you I will die
I need you back to breathe again
So I can write another sweet refrain

I have kissed my darling goodbye
To revive our love we didn't try
You never knew I left a piece of me
On you hanging like a hive on a tree

My Nick Jr. Rant

I just want to tell you up front that I have nothing against cartoons. I like watching cartoons. It's just some things in today's kids shows seem creepy and wrong to me. Here are a few:

Yo Gabba Gabba

I like the idea of the show. I like the characters, especially Muno. It's just that DJ Lance guy seems creepy to me. In his furry orange cap and jumpsuit, plus him being cheesy and over enthusiastic. It feels like something's wrong. I did some google-ing and I saw that some parents are creeped out too. Plus that Biz guy. He's the one in the neon background and does beatboxing. He looks creepy too. I dunno. Something feels wrong with the human cast of this show. Did you also see their teeth? It's cheesy yellow and not properly kept. LOL

 

DJ Lance                                                   Biz

Max & Ruby

I think this show is nice, and cute. I like how Max only says one word and repeats it all throughout the show. The wrong thing for me here is that Ruby feels bossy and sometimes, she doesn't listen to Max. She's more into what she and Louise are doing. It's like an early stage of neglect. But in the end, Max solves the problem or whatever they call it, and Ruby will realize how stupid she is. And like what Ate Apple said, "What the hell happened to Max & Ruby's parents?" hahahahahah Right, are they frekin abandoned or were they rebels or did they murder their parents as a result of hunger. LOL

Wonder Pets

I just don't like this show because of the duckling with the lisp. I just hate it. It's so annoying.

The Backyardigans

Oh yes! I'm hating on the Backyardigans. First of all, what is that pink thing Uniqua supposed to be? I know her name is derived from the word "unique" which means she's one of a kind, out of this world. But what I'm trying to say is where the heck did they get that look? Is it an alien or something? Second, their songs are just so annoying. They sing it over and over again. Especially that one episode where it's all about News Flash or something. It just got on my nerves. Plus the voices of the female characters are really really annoying. I have this thing against teeny-tiny, shrieky voices. The only character who works well for me is Austin, the purple kangaroo/dog/whatever-he-is cuz he's not really shown that much in the show.

Ni Hao Kai-Lan

I just want to say that I have nothing with Chinese people. It's just I don't get it why Nick Jr. has to make another "Dora-version" cartoon. I know it promotes culture and linguistics but can't they think of another way? It just irritates me when Kai-Lan repeats the same word all throughout the entire show. I hated Dora in the past and I still hate her now but I think she's way better than Kai-Lan because Dora's Spanish vocabulary has more variety in one episode than Kai-Lan's Chinese. I like the other characters though. But sometimes, they get angry and hit each other like in that one episode where the little monkey hit the tiger without any reason. It's so weird that they ask what happened when it happened like 1 foot away from them. This is just stupid.

Maggie and the Ferocious Beast

Maggie and the Ferocious Beast is a nice show. It's just that pig Hamilton who gets in my nerves. He's like this Ivy League, anal retentive, over analyzing character that doesn't make sense and ruins the entire moment. He's just irritating.

Olivia

Of all the animals in the entire world, why would they use the name Olivia on a pig? Why even bother make a cartoon full of pigs?  And this one episode where they have an epidemic of itch, they name everything with -itis (itchyelbowitis, itchyfootitis...etm) Don't they know that -itis signifies inflammation? And you can't cure a fricking itch by dancing, and you don't have to go to the hospital and get admitted if your elbows itch or your feet itch. It's not like impetigo or psoriasis. You have to f*cking scratch your itch b*tch!!! LOL

Well, that ends my rant. LOL

I guess that means I'm not for kids shows. LOL

Tell me what you think

Now Playing This Week

  Out of Goodbyes

My Own Youtube Page! :D

Well, I've been a crazy fan of YouTube channels lately and I thought about making my own channel. So here it is! 

I don't have videos posted yet because I'm still working on other projects. Maybe I'll update this channel next week or the sooner.

To visit the page, CLICK HERE!

Now Playing This Week

  Edith Piaf - La Vie En Rose

Poetry: "Untitled"

Circa 2008

February 05, 11:19PM

Untitled


I loved you only in my sleep
Where I tell you my love is deep
I took a risk and rolled the dice
Knowing your heart is the prize


I lost my chance to spend life with you
Until the moment my time is through
I hear your sweet voice calling
Not my name and now I'm falling


All I can do is look up to the sky
And bid my hopes goodbye
But I pulled them back again
To hope again I don't know when

Now Playing This Week

  Maroon 5- How 

New Photo!!!

NEW PHOTO! :D

Tell me what you think! 

Poetry: "War of Hearts"

Circa 2008

January 21, 8:38PM

War of Hearts

I sit in an alley where the sun never shines
A place where a broken heart forever whines
Where to speak of the forgotten is forbidden
Where all the broken carry a heavy burden


A war of hearts I'd dare to fight
Just so you'll be here tonight
Many will bleed in the river of red
A few will die on a white big bed


The sky will weep and the river flow
All the love, no one knows where it'll go
But one thing is certain and I am sure
That this love I have for you is always pure

Please Support Me

I joined the Florence + The Machine Contest and I need your help.



Please click on the "Support Michael" button on the right side of the page and you will be notified when the voting period will start. Please vote for my entry. I need to win this. Not only that the prizes are great, but this will help me validate that I do have the skills to make it in fashion. It's been a dream and please help make it a reality.

Click here to view the page and the entry

Click here to view the page and the entry

Click here to view the page and the entry

Click here to view the page and the entry

Don't forget to vote, vote and vote. Thank you very much.

All The Love

Poetry: "Intense Love Story"

Circa 2008

18 January 07:57PM

Intense Love Story

Never in a million years
I thought that I would shed these tears
Enough to make a river flow
Like the ones that did years ago

Now I quiver with this throbbing pain
Under the cold winter rain
To feel you with me, my sweet
Will be enough to give me heat

As I watch you drift far away
It feels like I would die today
This is the moment where I wake up
And the intense love story will soon stop

Poetry: "Forever"

Circa 2008

16 January 08:48PM

Forever

It almost took forever to catch your attention
Everyday is filled with so much tension
This is the story of a failed lover
I thought you would be mine forever

All I see is a lit candle
Burning the love that's too much to handle
Feel it burn our pre-destined fate
For you to save it may be too late

I will never give up,
Never will I stop
To have you by my side
Is like having the angels by my side

Feel each moment that passes by,
Feel the time slip fast and fly
I can say, this I will never forget
This I will never regret.

Poetry: "An Ocean Of Love"

Circa 2008

15 January 09:33PM

An Ocean Of Love


I gave you my heart for you to have
In it is more than an ocean of love
Now it's on the floor, under the heat
But my broken heart continues to beat

I live the bitter side of life
At the back of my head I feel a knife
As you soak yourself in sweet ambrosia
Your sweet heart suffers terrible amnesia

I close my eyes to feel the breeze
While you tear my heart with ease
Today I'll battle with my eyes blind
While you are drifting on my mind

The fire we have will never fade
Like the love that I have made

Poetry: "He Died"

Circa 2008

14 January 10:47PM

He Died

There were days when the sun didn't shine on my sky
There were moments when people hear me cry
Others pick me up and stand by my side
But there are some who say, "he died."

I cry in the night to smile in the morning
In my tears I can say I'm drowning
Will you ever come and stay with me
Will you soar with me to the clouds and see

Is this true love or just a myth
When I can do is nothing but breathe
When the stars fall and the clouds gather
All it means is that you should remember

Confession

As you are reading this entry and the rest of my blog, please play the song featured below for there is a story behind this.

  Maroon 5 - Nothing Lasts Forever

DISCLAIMER:

(When I talk about sensitive subject I always use "you" to describe certain people who are part of it)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Exactly 3 years ago, I was in senior year in high school and it is also the time when I fell for someone a year younger than me. It was mid-September and the rainy season is very prominent. I see you all the time, you were everywhere. In my eyes, you were perfect. It's like someone took you out from a Greek myth; you have the looks, the charm and the physique. I was not attracted to you at first, but creepy as it may sound, I just like looking at you. 

But as the days went by, my feelings got stronger and stronger. I finally admitted to myself that I did fell for you. I asked a few of my friends who know you well and said that they would help me get to know you too. I was in heaven at that moment. We got introduced to each other. It was like the usual meeting of two random people. You were nice, a sweetheart.

More weeks came and we never really talked in person. We had online conversations, maybe once or twice. We texted each other for a few days. After that, we just lost contact. The only thing that made me happy at that time was seeing you around. It gives me the feeling of heaven and butterflies, like the warmth of the sun after a cold night. Your mere presence made me happy, you showered me with endorphins.

With all that happiness came it's sad counterpart. I was sad that the two of us can never be in an intimate relationship. It was our similarities and differences that drifted us apart. It was your social status and my persona that pushed us even further. To console myself, I wrote poetry. I put all my emotions into words that rhyme and gave them the life of pain and loneliness. Many people asked where or how did I write all of these. It comes from the heart, with all the blood and through all the crevices. It's natural for me to be inspired and creative when I'm in a state of such intense emotions. Months passed and we never really connected to each other.

February came in and the cool winds are starting to fade. But only one cold thing remained. The coldness of being alone. As I am obsessed with social networking sites, you were one of my friends and one of my featured ones on my page. That night is still clear to me. I checked my profile and admired your name appearing there. I had my dinner went back to the computer right away. As I was editing my profile, I noticed you disappeared. I checked twice and thrice to see it was just an effect of a glitch. It wasn't. You have done the worst thing. You have officially deleted me from your page. I just can't hold it in anymore and I went to bed. I cried myself to sleep that night. As every tear found it's path across my cheek I felt a presence, a weight that just sat on my bed. It was my mom. Apparently, she heard me crying and asked me why. I told her it was nothing. I try as much as possible to keep my family life separate from my other life. She just handed me tissue to wipe my tears and she went back to bed.

It hurt me a lot, and maybe I can say that it damaged me as well. It was the most excruciating pain I have felt for years. I still carry that pain with me until today. I went to school and finished the remaining weeks left. At my last day as a senior, I gave you the compilation of all my poetry, all the words inspired by me and you. You returned it with a few words. "Thank You Anyways." It pierced my heart more. It was emotional torture. I was so hurt, but happy because at least you were able to read it.

The cover of the compilation of poems.
"No, I have no regrets... you have stolen my heart."

I graduated and went to college. I still loved you. I still see you when I close my eyes.  I still long to hear your name. I thought I have moved on but what happened was my feelings for you went on a hiatus. It's not that they were lost, they just took a break. I realized that I still love you but there is nothing I can do.

And now that I'm thousands of miles away from you, I can still say that I still have those feelings for you. You may have given me a huge load of pain and humiliation but my heart still goes out to you. It sounds stupid but it's true.

The relation of the song to this story?

It's been the song that I always listen to during that period of my life, and even until now. It still means a lot to me.

I hope you understand that it isn't easy to be someone like me, especially when it comes to emotional stability.

My heart is still broken and in pieces. Try as I might to put them back together, it's hard to do so.

This has been a case of unrequited love, and it will forever be one.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope that those of you who read this got to understand another side of who I am.

If you are interested in seeing the poetry I was talking about in this post, I will post the links below:


I Kiss The Morning Goodbye
Untitled
War of Hearts
Intense Love Story
Forever
Ocean of Love
He Died